Great advice from my Grandfather

Never appeal to a man's better nature - he might not have one. Invoking his self interest gives you more leverage.

Natural laws have no pity.

Always listen to experts. They'll tell you what can't be done and why. Then go do it.

Your enemy is never a villain in his own eyes.

Animals can be driven crazy by placing too many in too small a pen. Homo Sapiens is the only animal that voluntarily does this to himself.

Delusions are often functional. A mother's opinions about her children's beauty, goodness, et cetera ad nauseam, keeps her from drowning them at birth.

A poet who reads his verse in public may have other nasty habits.

Formal courtesy between husband and wife is even more important than it is between strangers.

An elephant: A mouse built to government specifications.

Place your clothes and weapons where you can find them in the dark.

A committee is a life form with six or more legs and no brain.

"I came, I saw, SHE conquered."

In handling a stinging insect, move slowly.

A skunk is better company than a person who prides himself on being "frank."

Anything free is worth what you pay for it.

Never underestimate the power of human stupidity.

Rub her feet.

Everybody lies about sex.

Be wary of strong drink. It can make you shoot at tax collectors - and miss.

When the need arises - and it does - you must be able to shoot your own dog.

Don't try to have the last word. You might get it.

Avoid making irrevocable decisions while tired or hungry.

Do not handicap your children by making their lives too easy.